-=THE LAST FANTASY=- Proudly Presents
-=TLF SUB TEAM=- EngSub Ripped & Synced by KOK
[Man Narrating] Eighty-sixyears ofbanging our heads against the big green wall...
but we finally did it.
That partyou know. That part everybody knows.
But I got a story you don't know.
It's about this schoolteacher friend ofmine named Ben.
This is him, back in 1 980, when he was a kid.
The little guy was going through a tough time.
His parents hadjust got divorced, and his mom dragged him up here to Boston...
where he didn 't know nobody.
One day Ben 's mom says, "Enough mopin 'around, "
and she calls her brother Carl to take him somewhere...
anywhere,just to get the kid out ofthe house.
Uncle Carl didn 't have any children ofhis own...
so he wasn't exactly whatyou'd call "kid sawy. "
I 'm not gonna have to change hi m or anything, am I?
Carl, look at him. He's seven, you dope. Come here.
Carl wasn't the kind ofuncle who was gonna takeyou to the circus...
orthe zoo or a puppet show...
but he did know the greatest place to bring any kid-
The heart and soul ofBoston, Fenway Park.
That was also the day I met Ben.
The pretty boy with the glasses? That's me, Al Waterman. I sell sponges.
Now that's the Green Monster, kid.
- Monster? - Yep.
[ Narrating] I taught the boy what I knew about the game...
and Carl taught him what he knew.
Hey, Zimmer, you idiot, what are you batting this bum leadoff for?
[ Narrator] Dwight Evans parked a couple homers, the Sox won...
and by day's end, poor Ben had become one ofGod's most pathetic creatures-
- a Red Sox fan. - Wow!
And that's where the story begins.
Careful, kid. They'l I break your heart.
กำกำ [ Rock ]
กำกำ [ Man Singing]
You could have gone over right there. Come on, you gotta be aggressive, man.
- Take off the training wheels. - Hey, I got a crowbar under the seat, okay?
So don't make me knockyour teeth out.
- What are you doing? - [ Girls Chatting On Phones ]
Audrey and Tammy, areyou guys talking to each other on the phone?
[Audrey] We're conferencingAmanda. She's home sick.
- กำกำ [Indistinct ] - Amanda likes that song, Mr. Wrightman.
- Can you turn it up, please? - กำกำ [ Louder ]
กำกำ [ Woman Singing]
Okay, so I asked for no ham, double turkey, but it looks like they gave me double ham.
- Do you want me to go back? - Uh, no. J ust toss some of it in my mouth.
- And that teacher's here with those kids. - What?
That teacheryou talked to on the phone, about coming in, having a tour.
Oh, oh, God, that's today?
- They're here. - Oh, no.
Okay, uh,just pretend thatyou're me and take them around and- Hi.
- There theyare. - Ben Wrightman. We talked on the phone.
- Nice to meetyou. - Yes, yes, I've been waiting foryou.
Hi, I'm Lindsey Meeks.
Excuse me.
Can I get anyone something to drink?
Vodka martini, straight up. Three olives, please.
Hey, I asked you to behave.
Uh, areyou allowed to hit them?
Yeah, actually. Doyou wanna take a swipe at him?
I'll hold him ifyou want.
- Maybe later. - Uh, okay. As Isaidon the phone, Lindsey...
I teach honors geometry, ninth grade.
And everyyear I pick a few promising math students...
to meet someone who's pursued mathematics as an educational discipline...
and has made practical use of that education.
So, thanks for having us.
All right, the client I'm working for right now...
is this really cool company called Marquis Jet...
andthey're trying to figure out how to make rentingprivatejets more affordable.
Wow. Now that's the way to go.
Yeah, and they're growing like crazy...
so they'd have to buy morejets in order to meet the demands.
Now let me askyou guys a crazy question.
Are any ofyou in the habit of looking at numbers-
You know, addresses, license plates, phone numbers- and adding them up...
andrearranging them inyourhead to make more interestingpatterns?
Oh, my God, she knows my secret shame.
Well, step into the light, my friend, because this is the church of numbers...
and every day is Sunday.
- She was a major hottie. - Major?
- Colonel hottie. - Yeah, she went optic foryou, Mr. Wrightman.
- Optic? - Yeah, I saw her glance to the pants.
- No way. - Yeah. - What doyou mean?
- I mean she was totally- - No, no, not you. You. What did you mean?
Nothin', you know.
Well, come on, man. You saw her.
What? Wait. Are you saying that she's out of my league?
She is bringing some serious heat, man. I don't know ifyou got the bat speed.
Oh, I got the bat speed. I got plenty ofbat speed. I could hit her best cheese.
Ezra, I need those customer satisfaction data reports.
- I put them on your desk, Lindsey. - Good lad. Keep me posted.
You got it.
- Those kids were cute. - Which kids?
- The ones from earlier today. - Oh. Yeah.
Maybe I should become a teacher or a college professor, you know.
The hours would be better. You get summers free. It's so much less competitive.
- Oh, my God,Jack is leaving. - What?
Jack is leaving the company next summer.
[ Gasps, Mouthing Words ]
What that- So, doyou think they're gonna bring someone in from the outside?
- I have- I don't know. - Or doyou think they're gonna promote from within?
I thoughtyou were becoming a teacher.
[ Scoffs ] Low blood sugar. I didn't eatyet.
Hi.
Hi. I didn't wanna interrupt.
It sounded likeyou were involved with some major corporate hoo-ha.
Oh, well, there's a position about to open up...
so it might get mildly murderous around here.
Oh. Wha-Wha-Wha- I wantyourjob! I'm the boss!
Wha-Wha- [ Chuckles ]
Yes. So, um-
Why am I here? Um- [ Clears Throat ]
I justwanted you to know thatyou really got through to the kids today.
You know, they're reallyjuiced.
- [ Cell Phone Ringing] - Oh, thanks. Theywere-Theywere great.
Well, you're welcome. Thankyou.
So, is the conversation over?
You mean 'cause neither of us are speaking?
[ Chuckles ] Yeah.
No. Yeah, I also- I came back because I just-
I wanted to askyou ifl could askyou out sometime.
Socially.
I won't be bringing the kids.
Oh!
Uh-
- Hike. - [Man ] Get him! Get him!
- [Man ] Oh! - All right, good "D." Good "D."
I know why she wouldn't go out with me. She thinks I'm not in her class.
- She said that? - No. I could see it on her face.
- "Like I would really date a schoolteacher." - Ouch.
Down, set, hike.
[Man ] Yeah, go, go, go!
Ben, what are you doing? It's two-hand touch. You were down back there.
And back there and back there.
What's the matterwith you?
Come on, guys.
Sorry. Sorry, guys.
กำกำ [Syncopated Beat]
All right, Lindsey, so what's the matterwith this one?
He's not smart? He's not attractive?
He was. It's just, you know-
- I don't know. It's hopeless. - Oh, boy, here we go.
You're right, I'm an idiot. I'm about to turn 20-1 0...
and the dating market is, shall we say, bearish.
And instead ofbecoming more open and available, I'm becoming less open.
Come on, people. Talking isn't burning calories.
Let's go. Startpedaling. Come on.
Maybeyou should date a different kind of guy.
Why? What do you mean?
Well, all the guys you date are sharp and competitive and successful.
- It's likeyou're dating yourself. - Ding, ding, ding.
Wh-What's wrong with the schoolteacher?
- Well- - He's a schoolteacher.
Which means he has a small... income.
Allright, people, let's shutyourpiehole andspeed it back up. Come on!
- Come on! - Die, you Nazi spin-bitch.
[Bell Rings ]
กำกำ [ Whistling ] Hey! Go, run a post. Go!
Oh! [ Chuckles ]
Who did that?
That's it. You're coming with me, mister.
What doyou think, this is your own private playground?
Get in here.
Thanks, man. I oweyou one.
Go ahead.
กำกำ [ Whistling ]
Hey, Ben, areyou going to watch the Celtics later?
Uh, I don't know.
You know, there are other sports besides baseball.
I would debateyou, Ed, but that would only lead to me being dragged away in handcuffs.
Hey, speaking ofbaseball, Ben, wanna help me coach theJ. V. team thisyear?
Why? You're doing a greatjob. I mean, you can'tjust go by wins and losses.
Aw, come on, Ben. The kids I isten to you.
I think it's going good the way it is, you know?
You coach the team, and I help out whenever I can.
Then, if I don't make it or-
Hey, Rita, when did I get this message from Lindsey Meeks?
A tip might be where it says "Time Called: 2:30."
[ Whistles ]
Come on, pull!
So, doyou think it'll be a problem thatyou're more successful than him?
- Who says I am? - Well, I mean, at least financially.
It's not like he's playing a flute with a hatful of dollar bills in front ofhim.
- He's a teacher. - Teaching's a cool thing.
Yeah. Besides, why does everything in my life have to be a trophy?
- I mean, who am I trying to impress? - Hey, we're on your side.
No, I know. It's just that I hate when people- [ Gasps ]
- Ow! - Oopsie.
[LindseyGroaning]
Oh,just kill me. Just take a hammerand kill me.
[ Groaning Continues ]
- [ Doorbell Rings ] - Oh, shit. Who is it?
I -I t's me. I t's Ben. Your date?
Oh, God, no.
- Oh. - [ Door Lock Clicks ]
I 'm sick. Come back. I 'll call you tomorrow. Go away.
Wait, wait, wait. What kind of sick? You okay? You in pain?
I- [ Swallows ] ate at this new place.
I think-
[Vomiting]
Areyou faking it? 'Cause we don't have to really do this ifyou don't-
[Vomiting Continues ]
Mommy.
Ernie, go away.
Ernie, don't eat that!
Oh, shit.
Uh-
So, you wanna pull the plug on this thing or-
[ Vomiting, Choking, Coughing]
All right, here we go. Come on.
All right, we're almost there.
Okay. Okay.
Now sit right here. Oh, God!
All right. Okay. Here. Pickyour head up.
- [ Groans ] - Up. Okay, up.
[ Groans ]
Uh, all right. Um-
Doyou have any, like, pajamas or a nightgown?
In the top drawer.
Top drawer. Okay.
All right, here we go.
[ Chuckles ] Well, WonderWoman's been looking for these.
I gotta call her. Let her know they're here.
- Okay. All right. I'll helpyou up. - Mm-mm.
- Get up. - [ Groans ] I'm sorry about this.
- Don't worry. Come on. Come on. - I'm so sorry.
I'm gonna helpyou change, all right? I won't look. I promise.
- Uh-huh. - Okay.
- Okay, I looked. - [ Chuckles ]
Let's get this on.
Getyour arms through.
Okay, here we go. You're gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay.
There's nothing left to throw up, I promise.
And ifyou do, here's Mr. Hamper. Okay? All right.
กำกำ [Man Singing]
[ Sighs ]
กำกำ [ Continues ]
Here. Drink this when you feel like you can, okay?
- Thankyou. Thankyou, Bill. - All right.
It's Ben. Okay, go back to sleep.
กำกำ [ Continues ]
[ Snoring ]
- Hey. - Hi.
How you feeling?
Uh, I mean, I'm not about to enter any pie-eating contests.
Did you clean up my bathroom, or did I dream that?
Me? No. Uh, the vomit elves came in. And, uh, really adorable.
Reallycute little things. I mean, little caps and little barfbags.
Well, thankyou.
I mean, you really, really went above and beyond.
Uh, no, please. It wasn't a big deal. You were very ladylike.
Hardly any "chunkage."
- What's in the bag? - I got some, uh-
I got some movies just in case you woke up. Not in case you woke up.
I knew you were going to wake up. In case you woke up in the middle ofthe night.
Yeah? Anything good?
Uh, mostly animated pornography from Japan.
And a little something I like towatch toowhen I feel sick.
Well, for me, it's Annie Hall.
- Wh-What did you say? - Annie Hall.
Whoa, this is like- This is unbelievable.
Road House.
[ Chuckles ]
Are you feeling- Is this crazy? I mean, what are the odds?
Spooky.
No, she cannot have myassistant.
Because I trained Carrie. I like her.
Listen. Do we have to settle this right now? I'm with a... person.
Yes. Thankyou. Okay, I'll speak to you tomorrow. Bye-bye.
- [ Phone Beeps ] - I'm really, really sorry.
Actually, I'm sorry. I ate everything cool. I just left you a pile of sauce.
That's okay. Actually, I'm the worst. I eat off everybody's plate.
In fact, my friends, they call me "the seagull." [ Imitates Seagull Cawing ]
Oh, hi, seagull.
[ Both Chuckle ]
Nice.
No, really, I appreciateyou being cool about the phone thing...
because I oncewent on a date with this guy who got so angry I was on the phone...
that he grabbed it out of my hand, and he threw it in the fish tank.
I would never do that.
What areyour pet peeves? What stresses you out?
- Mm, I got- - And I'm onlyasking...
because frankly the men I meet are highly-
I date poodles basically.
And I'm reallyrelaxed, you know? Totally.
- [ Cell Phone Ringing ] Son of a- Stop ringing. - I got it.
Let me do it. Let me do it.
Hello? Uh, no, she isn't. May I take a message?
This is Ben. I'm her houseboy/sex slave.
Okay. You betcha. Bye-bye.
Call your mother.
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Soyou don't have a cellphone...
- a BlackBerry, a pager, nothing? - No.
Well, what if some sudden crisis occurs...
Iike your father has a heart attack or something?
- My father died twoyears ago. - Oh, I'm sorry.
I just found out this morning, so it's been a rough 24 hours.
You know, maybe I should get a cell phone. That's a good idea.
- You're funny, Ben- - Wrightman.
- Wrightman. Yeah. - Yeah.
- You forgot my last name. - No, I just blanked.
I know whyyou forgot. That's all right. I bet when you talk toyour friends...
you call me Ben the schoolteacher, am I right?
- Well? - That's okay.
What doyou call me toyour friends?
I call you Lindsey...
the vomit girl, the puker, Pukey.
Everyone says, "You going out with Pukey tonight?" I'm like, "Yeah. Why?"
"You wanna playvideo games or something?" I'm like, "No, I'm going out with Pukey."
That's horrible.
Hey, anything I've said aboutyou would be an understatement, really.
- Hey, Lindsey! - Hi!
- Hi. - Hi, I'm Ben the schoolteacher.
Ian. Sarah.
- Steve. Molly. - Oh, thanks for having me.
- Robin and Chris. - Welcome aboard.
Well, let's start the interrogation.
No, no, it's not like that.
Here. It's for the urine sample.
Shoot, I wish you would have told me. I just took a whiz in your bushes.
- [ All Laughing ] - Doyou want to-
Show him the house.
กำกำ[Man Singing]
- Lindsey, this Ben guy has got such a good vibe. - Good.
- And he's nothing like the guys you usually date. - I know.
- [Sarah ]Andhow cute is he? - Yeah? Well, I'm really glad you guys feel this way...
because ifyou didn't, I was gonna have to find three new friends.
- No, no, no, I really think you've got something here. - Me too.
Yeah, but... something's not quite right.
- Robin. - No, no, he's great.
He is. I love him. He's a doll.
- But he's not 22. - So?
So, where's he been? Whyis he still on the market?
- Um- - Maybe he hasn't found the right person yet.
Well, by now he should be with the wrong person.
How has he not been tranquilized and tagged?
Let me get this straight.
You got two season tickets behind the Red Sox dugout?
- Mm-hmm. Yeah. My uncle left them to me. - Behind the dugout?
Yeah. Well, not really behind, like next to it. Fifteen feet away.
You can see right into it at a certain point. It's pretty awesome.
Let me askyou this.
Doyou find mywife attractive at all?
'Cause we could work something out.
Well, doyou?
You know whatyou need to do? You need to go to his apartment and go through his things.
You need to go through his closets, sofa cushions. You need to get on his computer.
And what exactly am I looking for?
Anything that explains whyhe's stillsingle.
My company can run a credit check on him.
You know, he could be a deadbeat dad.
This is an insane asylum.
So, uh, when theywheeled out Ted Williams at the all-star game-
I was there. I was 1 0 feet away from him.
Old men crying. Tears.
Tough old guys.
I even started to lose it, you know.
I got a program. I couldshowyou.
If Lindsey ever breaks up with you, I'll kill her.
Lindsey, do you remember that guy Maureen Durst went out with?
- Uh, sort of. Why? - [Molly] Terrywhat's-his-name?
We all thought he was great too.
- Well, what happened? - Oh, my God. She went to his apartment and-
Shh. My story. Stand by.
She's at his place. He's in the shower.
She wants to make the bed, so she goes to the closet. Guess what she finds.
Oh, I don't know. What'd she find?
Two large plastic bags containing all ofthe hair and nail clippings...
from his entire life.
Eww!
- Eww! - That's a true story.
I'm telling you, there is a reason this Ben guy is still single.
กำกำ[Man Singing]
[Alarm Clock Ringing]
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
- Come on! - Ipromisedhim we'd wait.
- We're always waiting for him. - I gave him myword.
You guys wait?
- Yeah. - Come on, man.
- Did anyone die becauseyou're here? - No, no, no.
I got another anesthesiologist to cover for me.
[Ben ] All right, areyou ready?
Hey, come on! God.
[ Sniffs ]
A new season.
- A clean slate. - [ Sniffs ]
Yep, this smells like the year.
[ Sizzles ]
[ Imitates Seagull Cawing ]
- Hey, you wanna know something? - What?
- I likeyou. - I likeyou.
No, I mean, I really likeyou. I even wrote down a list ofall the things I like aboutyou.
You made a list?
Yeah. I don't have itwith me, but I can remember it.
I'll skip down because the first six are all body parts.
Uh, number seven: I like thatyou drink in the afternoon.
Numbereight: I like sometimesyou talk out ofthe side ofyourmouth a little bit.
And it's like- it's like an adorable stroke victim.
I do?
No, it's very cute. It really is. Uh, number nine.
You know, when you're getting ready in the mirror,just when you're about finished...
you go like-
It's so cute, I wanna kill myself. It's fantastic. Uh-
- Hey, when's your break? - Hmm?
- Foryour school vacation. When doyou get off? - EndofMarch.
- That's when you're in Baltimore, right? - Yeah.
Well, it's a really big deal in my family, because it's my dad's birthday and Easter...
and my sister's anniversary all in the same week.
- A cluster. - Yeah. Uh-
So, uh, how would you like to come?
Ooh, too fast? Too serious?
No, why? Did I look like I was just-
- You were a little. - No, 'cause-
No, I-I made- I have a previous commitment.
- Oh, plans? - Yeah, yeah.
Um, see, I didn't tell you about it, 'cause I knewyou were gonna be away.
I figured it wouldn't matter, but everyyear during Eastervacation...
uh, me and my friends, we go down to Florida.
You and your buddies go down to Florida for spring break? Atyour age?
No, no, no, not spring break. Spring training with the Red Sox.
Oh, you get to train with the Red Sox?
Areyou allowed to do that?
Well, we don't actually- We watch the games.
Aren't those just practice games?
Yeah, yeah, but there's more to it than that.
We scout the players. We-We saywhich players they should keep...
- which theyshouldget ridof. - And the Red Sox askyour opinion?
Well, not yet.
But ifthey ever do, uh-
Okay, I've been avoiding this.
There's something you don't know about me.
Oh, God, here comes the bag ofhair.
The thing is, uh, I am a Red Sox fan.
- Yeah? - No, I'm like a big, big Red Sox fan.
I know. I mean, I've been toyour apartment...
and seen the Red Sox dish towels and glasses and the Yankee toilet paper.
- It's likeyou live in a gift shop. - It's worse.
See, when I was a kid, I moved here from NewJersey...
and I didn't have any friends or anything...
so my Uncle Carl started taking me to Fenway Park.
I just- I got lost in the game.
I mean, the ballpark and the people.
The color, the sounds.
The smells.
And then he got cancer and he died.
He left me his season tickets.
And it's a passion.
I mean, it's a very, very big part of my life.
And it's been a problem with me and women.
Oh, ah, I know those women.
The "pay attention to me" and "why aren'tyou talking to me?"
- Yeah. Exactly. - God, those women are so pathetic.
Yeah, it's like, "What areyou getting so worked up for?
- I mean, you're not even doing it, you're watching it." - Yeah.
It's like, "Hey, how about sometimes I like to be 1 1 years old."
- Yeah. - I like being part ofsomething that's bigger than me-than I.
It's good foryour soul to invest in something thatyou can't control.
You're a romantic.
Hmm?
You have a lyrical soul. You can love under the best and worst conditions.
I don't know. Well, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I guess so. Hey, uh-
You took a really big chance inviting me to meetyour family.
[ Sighs ] Now I'm gonna take a chance. A big one.
Lindsey, will you go to opening daywith me?
[ Giggles ] Yes.
Yes. Yes!
You hearthat? She said yes!
[ ImitatingJimmyStewart] Mary, look. Merry Christmas.
Clarence, look how everyone showed up. It's amaz-
We're going to opening day. It's official. We're going.
- Whoo-hoo! - Whoo!
[ Gasps ] What did Daddo to his hair?
- I can't even look at him. - I know.
How could you let him?
He's 60. It's a big psychological milestone.
He's struggling with it. He thinks he looks good.
[ Barking ]
Now don't start with me. Listen, I forgot to tell you that Donna-
- [ Growling ] - Stop it! Out!
Outside! Out.
I don't know what's with him lately.
Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot to tellyou. Donna called.
- And they're on their way. - Okay.
Good.
[ Both Chuckling ]
He is scaring the dog. How can you stand it?
He fanned me with a magazine for fouryears when I was going through menopause.
I can put up with this.
Go back in and talk to him. He misses you.
Okay. One more.
[Man On TV] Yeah, but doyousee him everplaying in a Yankee uniform?
- Hi. - Hey, kiddo.
- Want a cookie? - No, thanks.
[Man On TV Continues ]
- Your mama says you've been busy. - Ooh.
No Red Sox fan has forgotten last October and Aaron Boone.
- Hey, is this about the Red Sox? - Yeah.
That nextyearis theyear.
Steve Levy is in Fort Myers with some of the members of the set...
known as Red Sox Nation.
Down here in Fort Myers, Florida, the story is always the same.
- When the calendar page flips to March- [ Continues ] - [Dad]Areyou interested?
No, I just, you know-
I mean, I have a friend who is interested.
Oh, the schoolteacher.
When are we gonna meet this future breakup?
Thanks, Dad. That's really encouraging.
Well, I thoughtyou would have brought him with you.
Well, you know, he wanted to come.
It's just that, um, well, he has this tradition, you know.
And it's very important to him every-
The Sox are right there! The Sox are right there! [ Continues Indistinct ]
Where do the Sox rank in terms ofimportance inyourlife?
I'd say Red Sox, sex and breathing.
I have season tickets to Fenway Park. I haven't missed a game in 1 1 years.
I love the Red Sox. They're gonna win. All the way this year, baby!
Doyou have ajob? Doyou work for a living?
Of course I do. Yeah, I'm a teacher. I mold young minds.
- Canyou help these guys out? - Can you believe this asshole?
[ Indistinct Yelling ]
[Ben ] 29th ofMay, Seattle, all right?
You know what? I gave it to the lady down at the bakery.
Ben, all I got so far is the 2 1 st and 22nd, man.
We're only on May. We've been here for four hours. Let's try to speed this up.
30th of May, we're still at Seattle. Who wants a Sunday game?
These guys can have whatever games theywant.
All I ask for is the first Yankee game.
You went to six Yankee games last season, you selfish pig bastard.
You got to go to every great game. Lowe's no-hitter.
Your mother's hysterectomy? I put her out for free, remember?
- She had insurance forthat. - Attention, morons.
- You went last year. - You guys want Yankee tickets? You wanna talkYankee tickets?
- Yes. - Really.
Okay, well, I wanna see you dance for me.
[ Overlapping Chatter]
You don't wanna dance? I don't wanna embarrass you.
I'll just take this. Everyone just go.
I'llgo talk tosome kids in the street. Isee a little bit there. That's prettynice.
That's it. The doctor is giving me something.
The doctor is giving me some magic tapping there.
Oh, I I i ke that a lot. Yeah, that's- Oh!
Al I right, Little League, you wanna go? You want some of this?
- How's this, Ben? This is dancing for tickets. - I'm dancing, Ben.
- Troy, sit on the beanbag, please. - Hey, I started, Ben.
- กำกำ [ Woman Singing ] - Gerard, I guess you don't want them, huh?
- This is worth tickets. - I'm not dancing. This is totally stupid, man.
Fine. Hey, hold out for the Royals, huh?
You are on a total power trip, you know that, man?
- This is totally ridiculous, man. - I was dancing first, remember?
You said dance, I started dancing.
You call that Yankee dancing? No, no, that's like Devil Ray dancing, okay?
That's Devil Ray. I'm talking about Yankee dancing.
That's what I'm talking about. Yeah, get into it. Yeah! How bad doyou want it?
- Yeah, that's nice. I love it. Come on in. - [Knocking]
That's it! Come on! Whoo!
- กำกำ [ Continues ] - That's right. I'm-
กำกำ [Stops ]
Hey, what areyou doing here?
I thought you weren't coming in until tomorrow. You look fantastic.
- I got in last night. - You know Troy, Kevin and Gerard.
- Everyone else, this is Lindsey. - Hi.
Hi, Linds.
- Party? - No, it's draft day.
This is the daywe organize the whole season, who gets to go to what game with me.
But don't worry. You're still going to opening day.
Yeah, thankyou. Can I talk toyou about something really quickly?
Sure, yeah, no problem. Quick break, everybody.
There's some nice Pakistani cold cuts there, courtesy of Mrs. Segal.
I still don't think they're worth two Sunday tickets.
- Whoo-hoo! - Hey! Hey!
Come here.
Wait, I got you something.
I set aside some great games foryou too.
Hmm? Forwhen we go to the games together.
Thanks.
It's what the players wear.
It's authentic.
I gotta be honest. This is getting me hot.
Listen. Um, you know, I sawyou on ESPN.
Oh. We looked like morons, didn't we?
Uh, yeah, yeah, total. Notyou so much, but-
Well, it's very hot, you know. It's Florida.
- [ Chuckles ] - You start seeing things.
Um, you know, Ben...
I didn't realize how big this Red Sox thing is with you.
What? Hey, I told you.
See, this is-This always happens. Every time I-
Whoa, whoa, whoa, don't jump offa building. We're just talking.
- Sorry. Knee jerk. - [Troy] Ben, come on, man. The coldcuts are gone.
- Let's go in there. - Two minutes!
Wow. I really hit a nerve there, didn't I?
Uh- [ Clears Throat ] Yeah.
Come here.
Thankyou.
I think there's a better approach to this whole Red Sox thing.
- Really? - Yeah. After all, ifl want this promotion...
I am going to have to push myself really hard this summer.
And I've never really been very good at servicing myself, myjob and a relationship.
Wait, wait. We're not breaking up, are we?
- No, no, this is a good thing. - Okay.
You're gonna be so consumed with all ofthis thatyou won't feel neglected all summer.
No, no, yeah, I'm not gonna feel neglected.
And I won't feel guilty for having to do myjob.
Yeah, you shouldn't.
So, what I'm saying is, I think this is perfect.
[ Chuckles ] All right. Go, Sox!
กำกำ [Man Singing]
We got 'em right here, folks. Come on down. Cutyour deficit and balanceyour budget.
Programs here! Getyour programs here!
กำกำ [Man Singing]
- Hi. Hi. - Hey.
[Man ] Peanuts! CrackerJacks!
Who wants peanuts? Who wants CrackerJacks?
Peanuts! CrackerJacks! Who wants-
It's unbelievable, right? You can't even believe how-
- Look, right here, go. This is it. - Thankyou.
Is this amazing? Is this crazy? Would you look at these seats?
They're-They're very red.
No, I mean, their proximity to the field. This is Fenway Park.
- Oh. - You can't buy these seats. You have to, like, inherit them.
It's like a guy offered me $1 00,000 for these once.
- And you didn't sell them? - No, ifl ever need the money that bad...
I can always call up a rich old lady and give her some sweet lovin', you know?
That's what I'm all about. Hey, what's up, Al?
- Howyou doing? - I'm on dialysis.
Right on, buddy. Hey, Al, this is Lindsey.
Hi. Al Waterman. Here, have a sponge.
- Thankyou. - Al is the first guy I ever met...
- at my first Red Sox game ever. - Really?
Yeah, he's aged horribly. Hey, the Belnaps.
- This is Artie. Viv. This is Lindsey. - Hello.
- Hi, Lindsey. - Hello.
- Been divorced 20 years, still share the seats. - Really.
- Hey, Ben. - Sheri!
- How you doing? Where's Teresa? - She's right here.
Oh, my God. What happened? You look fantastic!
I lost 200 pounds. I had my stomach stapled shut.
- A doctor oryou did ityourself? - Oh, real funny.
Hey!
This is quite a little group you have here.
Well, it's my summer family.
[Boy] กำ Forthe landofthe freeกำ
กำ And the home ofthe brave กำกำ
- [ Crowd Cheering ] - [Announcer] Let's hearit forJordan Leandre.
Ladies and gentlemen, throwing out the first ball today...
New England's own Stephen King.
[ Crowd Cheeri ng ]
[Announcer] Right down the middle.
Did you tel I Schuyler? Okay, al I right, listen.
Um, excuse me. What time is the game over?
Uh, it's not like a Broadway musical where it ends with a big Hawaiian number.
It's likeyou're missing all the ambience and all the fun.
- I know. - The players are right there.
Ihave a meetingat 5:30 andhadto leave work at noon to meetyou here...
- so my people aren't prepared. - Right. Okay.
You know what? I left work early...
so you're gonna have to figure it out foryourself, and I'll call you later.
[Announcer] Wakefield.
[ Groans ]
That's a foul.
- What makes that a foul? - See that foul pole there?
That's Pesky's Pole. That's this guyJohnny Pesky.
Yeah!
Hey, what are you doing on Saturday?
Mm, you tell me.
- You know what's reallygreat about baseball? - Hmm?
You can't fake it. Anything else in life, you don't have to be great in-
business, music, art- I mean, you can get lucky.
- Really? - Yeah, you can fool everyone for a while, you know?
It's like- Not- Not baseball.
You can either hit a curveball oryou can't.
- That's the way it works, you know? - Hmm.
You could have a lucky day, sure, butyou can't have a lucky career.
It's a little like math. It's orderly.
Win or lose, it's fair. It all adds up.
It's, like, not as confusing or as ambiguous as, uh-
- Life? - Yeah.
It's- It's safe.
Oh, yeah! Yeah!
[ Whooping ]
- Hey. - Hi.
What, did you buy out the bookstore?
Actually, I bought every book they had on the Red Sox...
because I'm tired ofbeing the most ignorant person here.
Now who is Carl Yaz-a-strezem-
- [ All ] Yastrzemski. - [ Mouthing Words ]
- She's not a genius, this one. - No.
Johnny Damon! You got the sweetest ass in the league!
Very nice.
[ Scoffs ] Doyou believe in this? "The Curse ofthe Bambino"?
- Hey, that's not funny. That's enough ofthat. - But Babe Ruth was the Bambino.
That's right. He played for the Red Sox.
They were great. I mean, they were the Yankees.
They won the World Series in 1 91 2, 1 91 5...
1916, 1918.
Theywere royalty. The elite.
Al should know. He was there actually. He's 1 36 years old.
He looks great for his age. 1 91 9, their miserable, greedy pig ofa boss...
decides to sell Babe Ruth to the Yankees to finance a Broadway musical.
No, No, Nanette. I would never ever see that piece of crap.
And since 1 91 8, the Red Sox have not won a World Series.
Yeah, the Yankees have won 26.
And the thing is the Sox don't just lose, they raise it to an art form.
Tony C., bestyoung player in baseball...
catches one in the eye at 22, he's finished at 26.
Armbrister runs into Carlton Fisk, costs us the Series.
- Bucky friggin' Dent. - [VivGroans ]
You remember the time Roger Moret went catatonic?
The grounds crewhad to carryhim out in a wheelbarrow.
- Buckner. - [All Groan ]
Grady Little sticking with Pedro in the eighth inning.
Ooh, stop it. You're killing me here.
And that, milady, is the Curse ofthe Bambino.
[Announcer] Number 19, Gabe Kapler.
Okay, I'm ready. Let's go meet Mom and Dad.
[ Scoffs ]
Nothing.
- A laugh? A giggle? - This is not a man's closet.
- What do you mean? - You have one pair of dress shoes.
You're like a man-boy- half man, halfboy.
You should see the way my sister's husband dresses.
He had a professional come in and do his closet. It's like suit, suit, suit-
All right, okay, okay. I see what this is all about.
You wantyour parents to like me more than they likeyour brother-in-law.
No, it's not-Yes!
[ Sighs ] Is it so horrible that I want my parents to likeyou?
Okay. I thinkwe have enough stuff in this closet. We can fool 'em.
[Mom ] He looks like a skunk.
You're the one that told me to grow it out.
Well, what else could I say? It looked ridiculous on you. A man your age-
Now, I understand that you're a teacher, right? You were?
Yes, for 27 years.
- And, okay, nowyou're the principal, right? - Mm-hmm.
And you- Did you ever tell me whatyour dad does?
- I sell golf carts. - Wow. Okay, that gives us nothing to talk about.
I don't really know much about it.
That's funny, 'cause every other guy she's gone out with...
has tried to get a free golf cart out of me.
No, I like golf. Great sport. It's just I don't really get out much, you know?
- We love it. - Yeah?
They play all the time.
We tried to get on the countryclub here, but it's very difficult.
It's almost impossible. I had to call the manufacturer of my golf carts...
- a guy named Dave Johnson, and said- -Jensen.
- No, Dave- DaveJohnson. -Jensen.
- Jensen? - Hi. Sorrywe're late. He was watching the Red Sox game.
- How'd they do? - No, no. La, la, la, la, la!
- Help me! Help me! Help me! - What's wrong?
Oh, help me! Help me! Help me! La la la la!
- [ Man, Indistinct ] - La la la la. La la la la.
- [ Making Noises ] - Okay. Okay.
It was awesome. Struck out the side.
Okay, it stopped. It stopped. Stop it!Stop it!Stop it!
- Whew! - Um-
- Thankyou. - Yeah. Ben tapes the Red Sox games...
so he doesn't wanna know the score.
And he can't cover his own ears 'cause he's got lobster fingers, so I do it.
That's sweet.
- Hey, how'd it go last night? - Fabulous.
Mr. Myerson wants to see you.
Oh, God. If one ofthe windows would open, I would jump.
And your mom's on line one.
Hi, Mom. Hi. Listen, where areyou? Can I call you back?
What? You had a 1 0:00 a.m. flight.
- My Ben? - Yes, he has been great.
He took us out to breakfast. Right now he's washing your father's balls.
What?
- Here's one. - Thanks, Ben.
He got us a 1 0:00 a.m. tee time at the country club.
How?
One ofhis student's fathers has something to do with the sprinklers.
- Can I talk to him for a second? - Oh, sure.
Benny? Lindsey.
Oh, thanks. Hi, Linds.
Hey, what areyou doing?
Took a sick day.
All right. Well, I'll seeyou tonight then.
- All right. Bye-bye. - Honey-
Uh, sweetheart, don't talk in my backswing.
- Well, you were lined up wrong. - I wasn't lined up, I-
Please, don't talk in my backswing. You know better than that.
Just take a mulligan. Lighten up.
- He's so shortwith me. - I know. I know. Butyou know what?
- You talked in his backswing. Did you talk in his backswing? - Yes, I did.
- Don't even look at him. Look this way. Let him swing. - Okay.
[ Crowd Cheering ]
กำกำ [Man Singing Mid-tempo Pop ]
Manny! Manny! Manny!
กำกำ [ Continues ]
กำกำ [ Singing Along ]
กำกำ [Ends ]
Oh. [ Breathing Heavily ]
[Man ] She handled a project for a food service companylikeyours a few months ago.
Gave them a model predicting the impact of every possibility.
- Sounds like what I need. - Morning.
You'll love her. This lady is a dynamo.
Unstop...pable.
[ Clears Throat ] When she wakes up, I wanna see her.
Well, let's go for a coffee.
You know what's happening here? You're being colonized.
- What? - Colonized. It's like- It's like in the old days.
When the French and the English would go into Asia and Africa...
and they'd raise their flags and they'd impose their culture and they'd colonize.
It's like, Sarah, when you cutyour hair off because that guy liked short hair.
Wait a minute. I mean, you guys are married.
Isn't that a part ofit, accommodating each other?
You know, how many kids are we gonna have?
Where are we gonna live? Whatpizza place are we gonna orderfrom?
Doesn't it require some pliability?
Because maybe that's something I've been lacking in my life.
Isn't it affecting yourwork?
No, not so much.
You know what I just realized?
You're rooting for her relationship to fail.
- No. - What?
- That's right. - Whywould I do that?
Never mind.
No. No, come on, tell me.
All right. You and Lindsey are both very competitive, especiallywith each other.
- She's more competitive than I am. - I am not.
And when you were both starting out, you were the more successful one.
But now Lindsey's career has skyrocketed, so she's more successful.
But you've had the personal success, the marriage.
And if Lindsey gets that too, then she's definitely the winner...
soyou're rooting against her.
- [ Gasps ] - Oh, my God. What did I do?
- What the- - That's it.
We are so not coming here anymore.
[Crowd] Let's go, RedSox!
Let's go, Red Sox!
[ Cheering ]
[ Crowd Jeering ]
Hey, Ump, get offyourknees. You're blowin'the game!
Al Waterman. Have a sponge, young man.
She's killing me with the laptop.
Sitting there doing her homework.
So, when do you find out about this promotion thing?
Uh, next month.
Oh, cool. I just wanted to know how long I gotta put up with this at the ball games.
- Ben, this is my third game this week. - Oh, no, I know that.
And I always have to leave at 6:00 to be here on time.
And then we don't get home till 1 1 :00, then you and I go at it all night...
and then that's all time lost.
Really?
Well, when I say lost, I mean it's time that I have to make up.
- I know. - You know? I already got my ass chewed out-
- Hot dogs here! - by my boss this week, okay?
- Yo! - Hot dogs!
- Fenway Frank? - Blech.
One, please. Mustard, please. Thankyou. What do I owe?
[ Crowd Cheering ]
[ Machine Whirring ]
No, they didn't find anything. She's fine. I swear.
- She's lying down right now. - [ Phone Beeps ]
Molly? Okay, there's another phone call coming in, okay?
Check in later. Okay, bye-bye.
- [ Phone Beeps ] - Hello. Troy.
You're kidding me. Now? All right, thanks. Bye.
Honey, you're on television.
[Man On TV] Come andget 'em at Cerrone Cadillac.
The Red Sox picked up the "W." There was a scary moment though in this one in the sixth inning...
when Miguel T ejada hit a vicious foul ball off Mike Myers...
that actually hit a woman.
[ Announcer ] The 0-1 is fouled offback into the seats.
- [Woman ] That had to hurt. - Oh!
She was transported to a local hospital...
but fortunately she was released and she's gonna be all right.
กำกำ [ Theme Music ]
- [TV Off] - It wasn't that bad actually.
It was actuallyvery ladylike.
I mean, you just kind of... slinked out ofyour chair.
It was pretty limber.
- All right. I'll letyou sleep. - No, Ben.
Gah!
You have a whole not her head up there.
Yeah, well, the one that can talk needs to say something.
I don't think that I should go to the games anymore.
Why? Because ofthis?
No, because I'm becoming someone that I hate.
Someone who gets a boyfriend, and poof, their entire prior life just vanishes.
I have to focus on mywork right now. I have to.
And besides, you'll have such a better time ifyou go with Troy or Gerard...
or the bald anesthesiologist.
Come on. You have to go. Please?
Listen. You go to the games, and I'll stay at the office.
And when the game is over, you'll come racing home likeyou're scoring the winning run...
and I'll be here waiting.
Waiting?
I'll bewaiting.
[ French Accent] What, you'll bewaiting for me?
- Yeah. - Ooh.
You know, all this talk aboutwaiting is making me notwanna wait.
Ben, I'm concussed.
Yeah, that's kind of theway I like it.
I have to keep the peas on myforehead.
- Okay, tryto balance it. - Okay. It's-
- [Knocking] - Hi.
Hello.
I told your bosses, but I wanted to tell you.
The workyou did for us was brilliant.
Oh. Well, I really appreciateyou saying that.
- Uh, Patrick Lyons, this is Carrie. - Nice to seeyou again.
- Nice to seeyou. - Excuse me.
You know, they're really very lucky to haveyou here.
Oh, I feel the same way to be here. I feel very lucky.
Here, I got it.
- Um, thankyou. - You're welcome.
I was, um,just trying to get comfortable.
Well, don't get too comfortable, you might fall asleep.
- [People Cheering] - [Ben ] Come on! Come on! Useyourbrain!
Use your brain! Oh, they're in the lead. We almost have an answer.
Who's ahead? Oh, Tammy's in the lead.
We might have a winner! We might have a winner right here!
Tammywon! 37' 2", the Green Monster.
Audrey, I'm very sorry, but you can have our home game. Don, what does she win?
Excuse me. It's a little loud, don'tyou think?
Sorry, Mr. Ennis. The kids' drugs just kicked in.
- [ All Laughing ] - [Mr. Ennis ] Oh, ha ha.
Teenage drug use. That's great fodder for comedy.
- [ Mouthing Words ] - [Students Laugh ]
All right,you guys. We're almost out oftime. Pack up.
- Remember, we got a big test next Tuesday, so st- - [ Students Groaning ]
Hey, back off!. Back, back, back, you animals! [ I mitates Whip Whipping ]
Back! Hey, one ofthe 1 0 problems on your handout will be on the test.
I'm not gonna tell you which one, soyou're gonna have to learn all ofthem.
Seven.
- [ Mouthing Word ] - Seven.
[ Mouthing Word ]
- [Bell Rings ] - All right, study, you maniacs.
Remember, this Saturday is fall try outs for next spring's J.V. baseball.
Just to avoid the confusion we had lastyear, let me say this year...
- we're looking forgoodplayers. - Hi.
Hey.
- How are you doing? - I have very exciting news. I couldn't wait to tell you.
- You got the promotion. - No, no.
Mr. Myerson did call me into his office right afterwe spoke. I was trying to play it cool.
But between you and me, I was ready to wash his balls.
Yeah, see, that joke's not fun for me.
[ Giggles ] I'm sorry. Let me explain.
There is this European company that we're trying to make a deal with, okay?
And what they do- You know what?
The point is they're sending me to Paris to close the deal.
- Wow! - And I am taking vous.
- Moi? - Oui!
Taking me to Paris?
Oh, this is gonna be so great.
Okay, I'm gonna cash in my first-class ticket and get two seats.
All you have to do, Mr. Wrightman, is call in sick tomorrow...
- and we're on ourway. - Wait, it's tomorrow?
- Mm-hmm. - This weekend? It's now?
Yeah, we'll fly back Sunday afternoon, but with the time change...
you'll be back at work on Monday morning.
Oh, yeah, uh, I-I gotta be honest.
This isn't the best weekend for me. I'm kind of swamped.
Oh, no. Doyou have a lot ofwork?
Uh, we're two games out offirst, with three weeks left.
Seattle's coming in this weekend, and, I mean-
This is when they need me.
They need you?
Wait a second. I was just thinking about it. That's all.
A tip, Ben. When your girlfriend says, "Let's go to Paris for the weekend," you go.
All right, all right. I'll go. I'll go.
You'll go? You know what? I have a better idea. I think I'll take him.
Hey.Just slow down a second, okay?
Just go and enjoyyour ball game.
You know, this is the second day in a row you've snapped at me.
- I'm late. - Fine. Go.
No, Ben.
I'm late.
How- How late?
Um, a week and a half.
Okay. That's not that late. Right?
No. It is for me.
Okay. Well, you know what? I mean, we're not the first people to-
to, you know- to- 'cause, you know, when two people-
- You know. - Deep breaths, Ben.
[ Clears Throat ] Yeah. Why-Why didn't you say something?
Why? So we could both freak out?
I mean, I wanted to wait for the right moment.
And then when this trip came up, I thought...
we'll go to Paris, and I'll tell you there...
because that did seem special.
But, no, you don't see us tangled up in the sheets with the Eiffel Tower in the window.
You see the Mariners are coming and Pedro's pitching Friday night.
[ Mumbles ] Saturday. Schilling's on Friday.
Look. I- I admit I should have reacted differently.
Ifl ever build a time machine, that's the first place I'm going back to.
I'll be like, "Paris, whoo! I'm in."
Uh, I- Really, I'm sorry.
That's all right.
[ Sighs ] But I have a 4:00 flight that I have to catch.
All right. I can pack my bags. We can put some stufftogether. We can make this.
No, it's okay. The trip is already offto a weird start.
- Y- - Let's just talk about it when I get back.
- You sure? - Yeah.
- You're sure? - Yeah.
I could tell them I'm leaving right now.
- We're going. - No. It's okay.
You gonna be all right?
Ifyou give me a kiss and wish me luck.
- Good luck. - Way to go, Mr. W.
Yeah.
Okay. I'll seeyou in a couple days. Okay?
- Yeah. - Okay.
Areyou smoking? What areyou doing? I'm a teacher.
That's an insult. Put it out.
Get back in class. Come on.
[ Man ] So, the 30-year-old is on course. He is the four-time-
[Phone Rings ]
- Hello? - [ Lindsey] I got it.
- Linds? - Mmm.
I got it.
- The promotion? - My period.
I can tell you were sleeping, so I'll call you later.
No, no, no. I'm up. I'm up. I'm up.
No, it's okay.
I'll seeyou tomorrow.
- Hey, Linds. - Yeah?
Are you okay?
Yeah.
- Safe flight. - Okay. Bye.
[ Line Clicks ]
- I'll get it. - No. I got it. I got it.
- Thankyou. - Want me to take it up?
No. I'm okay. I'm just gonna go upstairs.
Bye.
Hey. Linds. Uh-
Did, uh- Did you want a baby?
Eventually.
Well, eventuallyyou will.
Well, it certainly got me thinking. That's for sure.
- What doyou mean? - Ben.
IfI'm with a guy for 1 1 months...
and I think I might be having his child...
I'm gonna ask myself, "Is this the guy?"
Andifit is, "What's this going to be like?"
You know, ifwe're to be Mr. and Mrs. Ben and Lindsey, how's this going to work?
It's like Robin's birthday party.
The minute I got the invitation, I had to run to the refrigerator and check the Red Sox schedule.
And the Yankees are playing, so I know I 'm going stag.
And that's okay. I 'm fine with that. But how far does it go?
You know, "Grandma, don't die because...
"the Red Sox are going out on the road...
so please wait until they come back to die."
And, "Doctor, induce labor because the Oakland A's are coming in tomorrow."
Doyou remember last winter?
This is exactly whatyou likedabout me.
That I was capable ofhaving a passionate commitment with something. Uh, a devotion.
Yes, but you feel it for the Red Sox, and I was hoping that someday...
you might redirect that.
All those things thatyou feel forthat team...
I feel them too- foryou.
You know what she's saying to me, Ryan? She's saying I have an addiction.
Real ly? Wel l, you work 90 hours a week.
You know, that- But I guess that addiction's more socially acceptable, you know.
Am I wrong? Am I wrong?
Well, nobody's reallywrong in these situations.
I mean, you have wants and needs.
She likewise.
Wait foryourpitch, Miosky!
- But she's great. She's great. - [Ball Strikes Bat]
Definitely the best girl I've ever gone out with.
The- The smartest, the funniest, the best-looking.
The sex is like the- Well-
But there's a reason why she's 30 and not married.
I mean, you gotta see the big deal she's making about her friend's birthday party.
Oh, God. She's making a federal case about it.
I'm, like, hey, what ifl had to work that night? What ifl had a second job?
You know? What ifl was doing charitywork? Is that cool?
What ifI'm, like, finishing a painting? Is that-You understand me now?
See my point? It's not the time.
It's she doesn't respect how I'm spending my time.
And now she expects me to miss a Yankees game?
[ Laughs ] Whatever.
[Man ] Let's go, Murph. You're up.
All right, Mr. Wrightman. I gotta bat.
Let me just leave you with this thought.
You love the Sox.
But have they ever loved you back?
Who are you, Dr. Phil? Get out ofhere. Go hit- Go swing the bat.
[ManAnnouncing] The Red Sox started off tonight three games behind the Yankees.
Pedro delivers. The ball is lined over Bellhorn's head into right center field.
That'll get another run across as the Yankees extend their lead.
กำกำ [Jazz ]
กำกำ [Jazz Continues ]
Benny boy, I still can 't believe you're not at the Yankee game.
Yeah, wel l, if the Yankees looked that good i n a dress...
I 'd be at the game.
[ Glass Clinking]
There's no way to measure what she is worth.
I'm the luckiest man on the face ofthe Earth.
- [ Crowd Murmuring] - Her, uh-
Hang on. Hang on. Okay. "I'm the luckiest man on the face ofthe Earth.
"Her face, her form, her sweet, loving smile.
Andshe even lets me dance around in herpanties once in a while."
- [ All Gasp ] - My parents are here!
- [ Cheering ] - Really embarrassing. Really bad.
I love you, birthday girl.
- I loveyou. - กำกำ [Big BandJazz]
กำกำ [Pop ]
กำกำ [Man Singing]
กำกำ [Jazz ]
กำกำ [Man Singing]
กำกำ [ Continues ]
- กำกำ [ Vocalizing ] - [ Man On Radio ] Yankee bats have come alive tonight.
- What's up, my man? - Oh. The game.
No, no. Hey. It's fine. It's fine.
- It's fine. - Okay.
[ Man ] None have been successful so far against this powerful Yankee offense.
- 6-0, Yankees. - [ Chuckles ]
[ Man ] Timlin ready to face the left fielder, Hideki Matsui. Timlin to the belt.
- Here's the pitch. - [ Ball Dings Against Bat ]
Swung on. A drive hit high and deep.
And this one is gone.
- 7-0. - Matsui has hit his second home run ofthe night.
Hey. It's only a game.
That was like-
Yeah.
I mean- I mean, you were-
Thankyou.
Not- Not just physically.
I mean, it felt like- like we were-
Mm-hmm. [ Chuckles ]
I think this might be the greatest night of my life.
[ Phone Rings ]
- Hello. - [ Men Shouting ]
Hold on. I think it's Troy. It's really noisy.
- Hey. Doyou want some food? - Yeah.
- Okay. - Hello?
- Hey, what's that noise? - Ben, we won! We won!
We were losing 7-0 in the bottom ofthe ninth!
We scored eight runs! Ten straight hits!
It was unbelievable, man! It's the greatest night in the history of Fenway Park!
Can you hear this? It's bedlam here, man!
Yes! By- By the end, the stands were literally shaking!
The fire marshal had to get the- [ Indistinct ] to stop jumping up and down!
The one gameyou missed!
You missed the greatest game ever!
- [Yelling ] - [ Beeps Off]
- [Cheering On TV] - This is an historic night, Natalie.
And word is these tickets stubs are already getting $200 on the street.
I have seen at least a dozen women celebrating topless in the streets.
Moments ago I witnessed a nun dancing on top of a moving vehicle.
I have seen police officers toasting beer with underage children.
It is absolute bedlam down here.
Right now I think we're witnessing the largest conga line ever.
I tel I you what. I fyou are not down here right now, you're missing one heck of a party.
[ Whimpers ]
กำ There are three eggs in Spanish omelet กำ
กำกำ [Whistling]
Hi. Would you like an omelet?
They... won.
The Red Sox?
Oh, good! This really is your night.
No. You don't understand. They scored eight runs in the bottom ofthe ninth to win 8-7.
It was the best game ever. I- I can't-
I- I never miss a game.
Ever. This is like a nightmare.
No, this is beyond that. This is like a punishment from God orsomething.
Two minutes agoyou said this was the best night ofyour life.
Yeah. Two m i nutes ago it was.
Hey. I didn't tell you not to go.
Oh, no. No, no. Ofcourse not. No.
You had nothing to do with it. I just suddenly had a whim...
after 1 1 years of never missing an inning, to suddenly not go to a Yankees game.
- [Lindsey] Hey. - [ Whimpers ]
Wasn't ityou yourself that said just tonight...
"It's only a game"?
Oh, that's great. That's great. Pile it on. Yeah.
- Kick me when I'm down. That's great. - It is just a game.
Clearly, it's not just a game!
Ifit was, then obviously I wouldn't care about it this much.
Twenty-threeyears.
Doyou still care about anything you cared about 23 years ago?
Howabout 10? Howabout five?
Name me a single thing thatyou've cared about for 23 years.
Yeah. No, um, there isn't actually anything I've wanted for 23 years...
because 23 years ago I was seven...
and if I still wanted to marry Scott Baio, I would think that my life went terriblywrong.
I- I just thought tonight was so different.
You broke my heart, Ben.
Hey.
[Shouting, Faint]
Awesome! Whoo-hoo!
Wow!
- Wow! - Yeah, baby!
[ManAnnouncing] Well, the Red Sox's once-promising season...
has certainly taken a turn for the worse.
Losing the last three games, and today trailing to the Texas Rangers.
Curse of the Bam bi no.
T o thi nk we quit our jobs for that road trip.
I t's not a curse.
Did you know the Titanic sank the same week Fenway Park opened?
April 1 91 2.
Oh,you-
- [ Crowd Booing] - Well, that's it.
The Yankees officially clinch the division.
Sevenyears in a rownow, we finish with ourfaces in theirbutts.
Hey, hey, hey. It's not time to jump off the Tobin Bridge yet, okay?
We still have the wild card.
Oh, that's easy. First we gotta beat Oakland or Anaheim- on the road.
Then we gotta play the Yankees in the House of Pain.
Why do we inflict this on ourselves?
Why?
I'll tell you why.
'Cause the Red Sox never letyou down.
- Huh? - That's right. I mean-
Why? 'Cause they haven't won a World Series in a century or so?
So what? They're here.
Every April, they're here.
At 1:05 orat 7:05, there is a game.
And if it gets rained out, guess what. They make it up to you.
Does anyone else inyourlife do that?
The Red Sox don't get divorced.
This is a real family. This is the family that's here foryou.
You know, I don't ask her to give up her family, do I?
Come on! Let's get some runs! Let's get some runs!
You know the best part? I can get over her because I am a Red Sox fan.
I mean, I'm tough. I've been through a lot in this park, man.
I can take this.
Because I am bulletproof.
- กำกำ [Ragtime: Man Singing] - [Announcer On TV, Indistinct]
[ Man Announcing ] Behind the bag! It gets through Buckner!
- Here comes Knight, and the Mets win it! - กำกำ [ Continues ]
- [Knocking]
[Troy] Open the door, man!
- [ Yelling] - Little roller up along first.
Behind the bag! It gets through Buckner!
- Oh, my God. - The Buckner game?
- I thought you took that away from him! - I did!
- กำกำ [ Continues ] - Behind the bag! It gets through Buckner!
กำกำ [ Needle Scratches Record, Ends ]
And the Mets win it!
It wasn't just Buckner. Stanley screwed him.
He didn't cover first.
- Where'd you get this? - I- I don't remember.
Don't lie to me. Right. Doyou have anymore ofthese?
Huh? Where's your stash?
Ben, this isn't helpingyou.
You understand that? This solves nothing!
Ben, look atyou.
Yeah, leave me alone.
- All right. Let's clean him up. - [ Gerard] Come on.
- I let her down. - Let's go.
- I am the Red Sox. - You're not the Red Sox.
Get him up on the shoulder there, Gerard.
I got the shoulder right now.
- What are you doing? - Relax. I'm a doctor.
Yeah, well, not to pry, Doc, but why areyou shaving my balls?
- Well, ifyou don't want me to- - No, I don't wantyou to.
- Whatever. - Hey.
- [Man #1 ] Bottom ofthe 10th. - [Man #2 ]Swing anda fly ball to left field! Wayback!
Wayback! The Red Sox are going...
to the American League Championship Series...
on the back ofDavid Ortiz!
Al I ri ght. You've been waiti ng al I year for this.
The Yankees, Red Sox, the best rivalry in sports starts tonight.
8:00, Yankee Stadium. Let's get it on.
[ManAnnouncing] The 2-2 pitch. Muellerback to Rivera.
To second for one. On to first. Double play!
And the Yankees take game one.
[ Man Announcing ] The Yankees are a strike away. Here 's a 1 -2 pitch.
Struck him out swinging That'll wrap it up.
For the second night in a row, the Yankees have beaten the Red Sox.
Here 's a 2-0. Mueller flies to center.
Bernie Williams is there, and the Yankees have won it.
The end ofa long night, and perhaps the end for the Boston Red Sox...
Iosing tonight 1 9-8, now falling in the series three games to none.
I mean, this thi ng is over. They keep swi ngi ng the bats...
the way they are, Don, this thing's done.
1 9-8. Good God.
Will you stop saying that? Okay?
- Now, who we pitching tomorrow? - What's the difference?
We're losing three games to nothing to the Yankees.
In a hundred years, no team in the play-offs has ever come back from that.
It's over. It's finished. Bye. Wave to it. Bye, Charlie. Bye, Charlie.
Oh. Isn't that Jason Varitek?
[Kevin ] Yeah. That is him.
WithJohnnyDamon and Trot.
- [ Troy] They're eating. - So what?
So what? We're sitting here dining on our guts over the Red Sox.
And there three members of the Red Sox are eating.
With gusto?
- Ironic. - Ironic?
Ted Williams would roll over in his freezer ifhe saw this.
[Gerard] Wouldyouplease be cool?
Why shouldn't they eat?
They-They played hard. They did their best. Move on.
I kind of envy these guys.
You know. No. They understand something that we don't.
Theirwhole life isn't out in that field.
It's theirjob. It's not an obsession.
My God!
It's official. I'm an idiot.
[Laughter]
[Lindsey] That's funnybecause I was gonna-
[Doorbell Rings ]
- [Lindsey] Canyou get the door? - [Man ] Sure.
- Hello. - กำกำ [Speakers: Pop ]
Uh, is- is Lindsey- Who are you?
I 'm Patrick. Who are you?
- I'm Ben. - Oh, Ernie. Stop it, Ernie.
- Please. - Hey, Ern.
- [ Growls ] - Ernie! Ernie, be nice.
- You be a good boy now. - กำกำ [ Continues ]
- Uh- - Come on. Sorry.
- Ben. - Hi.
- กำกำ [ Continues ] - Uh, what are you-what are you, having a party?
Uh, a group of us, um, just had this work thing...
and then some of us came back here after.
Um, I'm gonna talk to him, okay?
- Areyou okay? - Yeah. I'm good. Thanks.
- Areyou- Areyou on a date? - No. It's-
It's a work thing.
I didn't want to go alone, so, you know- Carrie and Ezra are here as well.
Oh. So it's a double date. Well, that's- that's perfect. That's great.
- Ben, what areyou doing here? - I- I wanted to talk toyou. I-
I can't believeyou're on a date. This is like-
- I'm not. - Yeah, well, you know what? Look. I'll call ya.
Sorry I bothered you. I'll call ya.
No, no. This is crazy. I'm sorry.
I came here for a reason. All right. Look. I love you, Lindsey.
And I think that we should give this another chance.
- Did you hear me? - Ben-
Oh- Look, look, look.
You finish your evening. All right? I'll hang out here...
and when you're done with your date, we'll get married.
I don't think so.
Hey. What areyou saying? I mean-
You know, you said you wanted more.
I mean, this is as more as there is. There is no more.
Yes. But this isn'tyou. This is the other guy.
- What other guy? - It's October.
They're one game from elimination. You're becoming Winter Guy again.
I already know I like Winter Guy.
It's Summer Guy that broke my heart.
Summer Guy is gone.
Yes, until summer.
- No, no, no. Look. Lindsey, I realize, like- - Ben...
just too much has happened.
Oh.
All right. Look, look. Uh-
When the whole baby thing happened, I admit I froze.
All right. I thought ofa million different reasons why I shouldn't be a father.
But then I thought of a reason why I should.
Because it would be ours.
You know, it's pieces of us. And I got so excited.
I mean, like, I went, and I got a whole bunch of Red Sox toys...
anda little size-one Red Sox jersey...
Iike, for a player to be named later.
I still have it for... whenever.
Ben, I just got so hurt.
Really hurt.
And sometimes...
when that happens-
[ Sighs ] something inside just shuts off.
I'm sorry.
[ Sobs ]
กำกำ [Man Singing]
กำกำ [ Continues ]
- Oh. None for me. - [Robin ] Oh, come on.
- Since when did you stop drinking? - Yeah.
Since I... got pregnant.
[ All Gasp ]
- Molly. - I knew it!
- You did not. - Mm-hmm.
I told Lindsey. I said, "Her boobs look engorged." Was Steve excited?
Areyou kidding? He ran out and bought him- her-
- a little train engineer hat. - [Cell Phone Rings ]
- Oh, I'm sorry. - They do that, don't they? Little hats-
- Hello. It's Chris! - You gotta come with me.
- Molly's pregnant. - Mr. Myerson just announced you got the promotion.
- Oh, God! Sorry. - Oh, my God. Now my breasts are engorged.
- That was Lindsey. She got her promotion. - [ Carrie ] He's waiting.
He's holding champagne. Everybody's got a glass. I told him you're in the ladies' room.
Oh. Thankyou. Okay. [ Laughs ]
Well-Wait. I gotta- I'm so sorry. I gotta go.
Go, go.
- I gotta go. - Guess what Chris is doing right now.
He's buying Ben's baseball tickets.
What?
Ben is selling Chris his Red Sox tickets.
- Lindsey, please. Let's go! - Wait. You mean, like, um, for today.
No. I mean, like, forever. For 1 25,000, it better be forever.
Are you guys that rich?
Yeah.
Why don't you dress better?
Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Ben- my Ben- is selling his Red Sox seats?
To hell with the seats. They're holding champagne.
Come on.
- [ Crowd ] Let's go, Red Sox! - [ Clapping ]
Let's go, Red Sox!
You know, whatyou're doing is illegal.
That's right. Technically, ifyou give up your tickets...
you're supposed to give 'em to the Red Sox.
Hey. We're friends. Okay? They'll still be in his name.
They'll mail them to him, then he'll give them to me.
- Does the guywith the big squash always sit in front ofyou? - He's new.
I don't know. You want the tickets or not?
- Come on. Ow! - Shame on you.
Your Uncle Carl saw 3,000 games from these seats.
He's gonna come back and hauntyou for this.
- [Applause ] - [Man ]Speech!
Let's go. Come on.
Well, first, thankyou, Mr. Myerson.
Um- [ Clears Throat]
The truth is I- I like it here.
I like this work.
I know what I'm doing when I'm here.
I n fact, it's the only place...
where I know what I'm doing.
This is, uh, controllable.
It's safe.
Oh, my God.
He's selling his Red Sox tickets for me.
What have I ever given up for anybody that meant that much?
I'm sorry. I know this seems crazy, but I gotta go.
You realizeyou're sellingyourseats for exactly the same price theysold Babe Ruth for.
You said it yourself. Relationships come and go, but the Red Sox are forever.
I want my sponges back.
- Wouldyou be selling these tickets ifwe were winning? - I bet you wouldn't.
We're never winning. That's the point.
We're down three games to nothing. It's 4-3.
They got Rivera warming up in the bull pen. Look.
[Man On P.A.] Designated hitter. Number 18.
John Olerud.
Look. If I keep these seats...
all I'll think about every time I'm here is-
is what I gave up for them.
[ Tires Squeal ]
[ Tires Screech ]
Excuse me. Is there a ticket window somewhere?
- Sold out, sweetie. It's the play-offs. - All right.
- Hey. Hey. You need tickets? - Oh. You too.
No, no. I got tickets.
- We-Then why the sign? - That's for the cops.
Everybody knows when you say you need tickets, means you have tickets.
- Okay. I need a ticket. - Calm down. I got two. 300 apiece.
- What? - Hey. The only reason they're that cheap...
- is because it's the eighth inning. - Fine.
- I'll take one. - I can't split 'em up.
- Thankyou. - Hey, hey. You know what?
Sinceyou only need the one ticket, I'll buy the other one back for, like, 50 bucks.
Oh, okay. That sounds good. Oops.
Enjoy the game.
- [ Cheering] - Ben, how do you know she'll even take you back?
It's- It's not just for her, okay? It's also for me, okay?
I gotta get mylife in order. Some perspective.
- Some balance. - Hey. We've got a deal.
I'll buyyour seats.
It's a real ticket.
Oh, it's a real ticket, but you're at the wrong entrance.
- You're way over in center field. - I just gotta get in for a minute-
- That's a ploy. I know it's a ploy. You're in center field. - Fine.
[ManAnnouncing] Groundball to the right side.
A race to the bag. Rivera is there.
And the Yankees are three defensive outs away from the World Series.
Into the ninth.
Excuse me.
Excuse me. Ooh. Sorry.
- Excuse me. - [ Woman ] Watch it.
Excuse me. Sorry.
- Can I borrow these for a second? Thank you. - Yeah.
Sure.
No.
Why don't you have a cell phone, you idiot?
Sign by the red tab. Initial by the yellow tabs.
What are you buying, the stadium? Look at that thing.
Floyd the Barber, we're not in Mayberry, okay? Thankyou.
Hey. Down in front. Come on, sweetie.
Hold your horses, buddy.
[ Panting ]
Robin. Wait. No. I can't talk right now.
Listen. I just need Chris's cell phone number.
[ Scoffs ]
- [ Cell Phone Rings ] - That's odd.
You're having a stroke. Good.
I don't want to talk now. I'm at the ball game.
- Chris! - [ Beeps Off]
Damn it!
[Sheri] Ben, come on.
- Don't do it. - This is crazy.
Think about it, Ben.
Check's all made out.
I'll inviteyou to some ofthe games.
I'm sorry, Uncle Carl.
- [Pen Scribbling] - Another idiot.
กำกำ [Man Singing]
[ Groans ]
- กำกำ [ Continues ] - [ Crowd Cheering]
- กำกำ [ Continues ] - Hold it. Hold it.
Don, I hate to interrupt, but something is happening in center field.
- กำกำ [ Continues ] - [Man On TV] Thisyoung lady jumped out ofcenterfield.
No. No. The TV.
Give her a little credit. She's pretty impressive.
- [ Man #2 ] She took her heels off. - [ Whimpers ]
Prettygood-looking too.
กำกำ [ Continues ]
- กำกำ [ Continues ] - Go on!
You see that? She just grabbed Johnny Damon's butt.
- Oh, cool! - กำกำ [ Continues ]
- Hey!
- กำกำ [ Continues ] - Ben!
กำกำ [ Fades, Ends ]
- Lindsey. - Ben!
Ben. Ben!
What are you doing? You're gonna get arrested.
- Don't sell your tickets, okay? - That's whyyou ran across the whole field?
- Yes. To stop you. - What?
- You're out ofhere. -Just give me a second, okay? Just give me a second. Please!
You gotta tell me. Wait. The outfield- the grass- is it spongy?
- Ben, focus. - Sorry.
These seats are important to you, okay? This is your summer family, your Uncle Carl.
- You love these seats. - No. I fell in love with this when I was seven...
because I had nothing else.
Now I'm in love with you. I don't need this.
I don't want this.
Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
You love me enough to sell your tickets.
I loveyou enough not to letyou.
What doyou say we try to do all ofit?
Let's try to jerk one out ofthe park.
That's the sexiest thing I've ever heard in my life.
Ma'am, you're gonna have to come with me.
- Ben. - Yeah?
I'm being arrested.
Allright. Let hergo, buddy.
Never.
- [ Cheering ] - กำกำ [Rock]
กำกำ [Man Singing]
- [ All Cheering ] - กำกำ [ Continues ]
[Al Narrating] Well,you prettymuch know the rest.
Rivera walks Millar. Roberts pinch-runs and steals second.
Mueller drives 'em in.
Ortiz in extra innings.
Extra innings again the next night.
กำกำ [ Continues ]
กำกำ [ Clapping In Rhythm ]
Schilling's bloody sock in New York.
L owe and Pedro find their form.
Damon 's grand salami in game seven.
Bye-bye, Bambino.
[ Man Announcing ] Boston Red Sox have won the pennant!
[Al] So what am I saying? That it was all karma because Lindsey came back to Ben?
Look. All I know is, when the Red Sox went to St. Louis for the Series...
me and the girls andArtie told them...
"You two gotta be there to keep this thing goin'."
กำกำ [ Continues ]
And they went, and lo and behold-
[ Man Announcing ] Back to Foulke. Red Sox fans have longed to hear it.
The Boston Red Sox are world champions.
[Al Narrating ] And that night there was a blue moon and a total eclipse.
And those are the facts.
กำกำ [ Man Singing ]
[Al Narrating ] Oh. One more thing.
You know that little player to be named later?
Ben says ifit's a boy, they'll name him Ted Williams Wrightman.
Ifit's a girl, Carla Yastrzemski Wrightman.
- Let's all pray for a boy. - กำกำ [ Continues ]
กำกำ [ Continues ]
- กำกำ [ Ends ] - [ Radio Dial Switching ]
[ Man On Radio ] Come to Washington Square Tavern on Beacon Street...
- where Sox fans hang- - [ Radio Dial Switching ]
กำกำ [ Rock ]
[ Radio Dial Switching ]
[ Man ] ... cars, S. U. V.s, trucks and work trucks.
- Come and get 'em at Cerrone Cadillac. - [ Dial Switches ]
กำกำ [ Rock ]
กำกำ [ Man Singing ]
กำกำ [ Continues ]
[ Radio Dial Switching ]
[ Man ] Ask for Kevin, and get your first drink free.
- Remember. The Deluxe on Chandler and- - [ Radio Dial Switching ]
- กำกำ [ Pop ] - กำกำ [ Woman Singing ]
กำกำ [ Continues ]
[ Radio Dial Switching ]
[ Man ] WEEI in Boston, the Dennis and Callahan program.
[ Radio Dial Switching ]
[ Man ] Rolling. One, two, three. And-
กำกำ [ Vocalizing ]
กำกำ [ Man Singing ]
-=TLF SUB TEAM=- http://tlfsub.eastgame.net
กำกำ [ Continues ]
กำกำ [ Vocalizing ]
กำกำ [ Man Singing ]
- Let's go, Red Sox! - [ Clapping ]